Last Year’s Most Beloved Controversy: Trisha Paytas

In 2019, Trisha Paytas came out as a trans man without an interest in changing her pronouns, appearing on “The Doctors” to explain how she considers herself a transgender male. In 2016, she uploaded a Youtube video, saying “[she] woke up this morning feeling like a chicken nugget,” explaining that she “feels delicious, but also like, fried.” She’s painted her face in the gyaru style to unveil sushi, sported a rare, brunette look for a Latina cosplay—and let’s not forget her Hindu phase. Paytas has pulled from her arsenal of rage-bait throughout her career, making herself the subject of more cancellations than I can count.

But as Frank Sinatra once said, “the best revenge is massive success.” 

She’s turned her days of crying on the kitchen floor, substance abuse, sex work into a live production in New York, “Trisha Paytas’ Big Broadway Dream,” a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live as herself, and legitimacy across the mainstream media. Is Paytas the ultimate manifester, a genius marketer, or has she just outlived her competition?

It was January in 2007 when “Blndsundoll4mj” made her premiere on YouTube. In one breath, she introduced herself, “Hey what’s up, this is Trisha. I’m super fun, super bubbly, have many talents, but one hidden talent—I’m a rapper,” then reciting the intro of Vanilla Ice’s, “Ice Ice Baby.” This was just the beginning. 

Her channel (still “Blndsundoll4mj”) now boasts over five million subscribers and, like her very first videos, she records and uploads with minimal editing—if any. Despite the nature of her premiere, her original intent was to share her love of Quentin Tarantino, but her “Ode to Quentin Tarantino” videos dwindled and she began uploading skits like the 2012, “I am John Malkovich” video, informational explainers like “How to Walk in Heels,” and sometimes she would just upload a quick 15-second work of art doing something like making out with a tree. 

However, those who weren’t tuned in to YouTube might know Paytas from one of her many gigs. An old hobby of hers was finding extra work on shows such as Dr. Phil, Millionaire Matchmaker, Modern Family, and in music videos, including Eminem’s “We Made You,” where she starred as—what she describes—“the fat Jessica Simpson.” 

But throughout it all, the young blonde was really coping with a dark reality. Moving from her hometown in Illinois to Los Angeles at 18 years old, she told Vogue, “I moved to LA to become famous like everybody else that comes here.” But soon after, she began her career as a sex worker.

“Being a call girl made me more confident,” Paytas told Daily Mail in 2017. “No-one ever asked me to prom when I was at school, so it was cool that guys wanted to pay me to be naked.” Since that interview, Paytas has overcome a drug addiction, gotten married, had children and ultimately, become more candid about her experiences. 

Admitting that she had always been obsessed with fame, she told Rolling Stone that she would tell lies to get attention growing up, like that she was a twin or that she was engaged at 14 years old. 

“I’d always told myself, ‘I’ll be famous if I can only lose a few pounds,” she said in a Rolling Stone interview, admitting that she started out with “being a hooker on Santa Monica Boulevard for $5 blowjobs,” as she puts it. 

Paytas has also been upfront about her battles with drugs—mentioning on podcasts that she’s overcome using meth. In her 2017 record—now boasting 9.8 million views—“I love you Jesus,” she sings, “there was a time I overdosed, and I was lifted—not by the ambulance, but by the Holy Ghost.”

So why does it seem like the entire internet is rallying around her? Almost every other post on her Instagram is a collaborative post with major players: Lyft, Playboy, Patreon, Playbill, People Magazine, NBC SNL and more. 

Well, Paytas, albeit problematic and sometimes offensive, inherently offers something that is missing in today’s flawlessly-curated landscape—authenticity. 

Yes, she’s pissed off almost every marginalized community by trying different religions, genders, and sexual orientations on for size—and as we know, such cancellations are usually the end of internet personalities’ careers—but Paytas is a unique case. Beauty YouTubers have never really come back from scandals like “Dramageddon,” but Paytas—while Beauty YouTube drama-adjacent—has only grown over the last 18 years. 

She’s been open about her diagnosed borderline personality disorder, now crediting it with her gender-identity confusion and love for cosplaying, admitted to driving a car into her ex boyfriend’s house during a meth-induced episode, and has shared incredibly graphic tales about her experiences as an escort for the stars—and the streets.

Ultimately, Instagram models with nice reputations and the inevitable but perfectly-executed apology video are a dime-a-dozen on the internet. But a rich, tan, blonde, musical theatre-loving, punk, pink, unfiltered, religious, sex worker with borderline personality disorder, ever-evolving politics and two baby girls named Elvis and Malibu Barbie? Now the term “internet personality” makes sense.

Whether you’re a musical theatre kid, a basket case, a blonde princess, or a chicken nugget, Paytas appeals to everybody rooting for recovery, redemption and resurrection.